This is the text of an article Paula wrote on her website entitled “Associations.” [Comments in brackets]
[I’ve already posted my thoughts on her divorce, but when I read this article by her, I was just incredulous. Not only is so much of this is just plainly unbiblical, but it is so insightful into the way she thinks. I couldn’t help seeing the connection with her divorce.]
How would [you] describe the health of your relationships? Be honest, because it’s crucial for your life. There are four types of people in your life: people who add, people who subtract; people who multiply, and people who divide. If you are presently involved in relationships that prey on your heart and rob you of control over your life, it’s time to make a change.
[Was Randy preying on her heart and robbing her of control over her life? Is that the reason for this change?]
A healthy relationship is one in which there is balance. There is give and take and mutual appreciation and a building up of each other. It is one in which honest words of appreciation are exchanged without any hint of manipulation. Healthy relationships come along with people who have a common direction or destination—common values and goals. If you do not have a common direction, you will always be in conflict.
[Obviously her marriage was without balance. Is she giving up on the give-and-take and mutual appreciation of building up Randy? When did they let their common direction, values, and goals deteriorate into an unhealthy relationship? What did they fail to realign their hearts?]
The associations in your life show your value system. Associate only with people who add or multiply your life. If a person is subtracting or dividing, you need to separate from that person. Never compromise your character for anyone. Don’t give power to any person to manipulate and control. No person can make you lose your joy, your temper, or any other aspect unless you give that person that power. Don’t do it!
[Did association with Randy reflect badly on Paula’s value system? Was he failing to multiplying her life so badly that she has to separate from him? Is this a show of strength in not compromising her character for anyone, including her husband? And exactly what character quality does it display to divorce him? No person should make you disobey God. Paula, don’t do it!]
Trust God to help you recognize when a relationship is becoming detrimental to you, to your ministry, or to the health of your family life. Trust God to give you the courage to end the relationship, and then trust Him to give you broad shoulders and thick enough skin to take the criticism that you may face for ending the relationship. Put some distance between yourself and those who speak discouragement into your life.
[Is she trusting God with her marriage? Or, had her relationship with Randy gone so detrimental to her, her ministry, and the health of her family life that divorce is the best solution? Is she just putting distance between her and Randy because he was speaking discouragement in to her life? Is this why she is ending the relationship?]
It takes emotional energy to end a relationship, and if you cut every unhealthy relationship out of your life at one time, you are likely to be overwhelmed by the loss. Cut unhealthy relationships out of your life one at a time until you can look around you and say, “All of my relationships are pleasing to God.”
[Is a broken relationship with her husband pleasing to God?]
In all your relationships, don’t demand from people what only God can give. Only God can give you a deep awareness of how infinitely valuable and precious you are to Him, and what a glorious destiny He has for you. Only God can see and meet the unfulfilled needs in your life that even you don’t recognize. Only God can fix your heart. Only God can mend your mind. Recognize that no other human being can ever complete you, and you’ll save yourself a world of hurt.
[Is divorce God’s glorious destiny for Paula and Randy? Paula, let God save you from a world of even more hurt, and let Him fix your heart on this. This is not wise. Let Him mend your mind, because you are not thinking biblically. Obey the Scriptures and reconcile with Randy. That is the unfulfilled need you need most right now.]